Let me enjoy my singleton!!

To be alone was my choice… So why does everyone want me to find a companion? How many times do I have to tell you people, “I am not lonely… and I do DATE!!!”? I don’t see any reason why I should make my dating public. I don’t bring my Dates home b’cos I can’t have my parents dreaming wedding bells on false alarm or be showered with questions from all four corners… (Please!!! Spare me!!)

So why am I still single?
Obviously because I haven’t met anyone worthy of boyfriend material!!

Am I the only single mom in the world? If I am to find a companion, why should I settle for anything less, when I know I deserve the best? I like to believe that my Prince Charming is out there somewhere, and he will find me someday! Until then… let me enjoy my singleton!!

Time to start investing on myself

My mind seems to be blank, feeling drowsy and heavy headed… but that is just a mere description of how I exactly feel. These are the times when I’m reminded of Spongebob Squarepants; how he orders his brain cell workers to go through all his knowledge drawers and schedule lists in order to carryout the tasks. I wish I could do the same. But I know my brain cells are over worked cos they haven’t rested for three nights in a row. Every bone, every tissue in my body seems so stiff and immobile. What am I doing? Why am I keeping myself so busy? Why can’t I be like everyone else; relax, sleep, enjoy the holidays… instead of chasing after work and pressure! If this is to continue I might drop down dead at my pc one day and no one would notice. The more I think abut it the more it freaks me out… I think it’s time I changed my altitude and start investing on myself; an appointment with a masseuse sounds like a great idea… what do you think?

Commitment

I’m happy with my life as it is, b’cos I truly believe that a strong sense of self-esteem is the key to lifelong happiness and fulfillment. The most important commitment one can make to ones life is to love, honor and cherish ones’ self. Said all that… even though I enjoy having my own fabulously carefree life, I do want to share it with someone special.
To me, a commitment doesn’t necessarily have to be a legal paperwork, in other words “marriage”. It could be a mutual agreement between two people to date each other exclusively, OR simply living together to fulfill mutual desires with respect and loyalty to each other.
The need to legalize a relationship is necessary only when the hormones are in tune to form a whole new entity and that is when we say we are ready to start a family. Until then, as long as there is love, honesty and harmony in a relationship… it’s good enough a commitment.

Don’t try to be my lover… just be my friend!!

Do not judge me on false impulse. How well do you think you know me? Have I ever shared the account of my past with you? Have I ever told you anything about me that I wouldn’t tell any of my other friends? Have I ever poured my sobs on you? What makes you think I have feelings for you? More importantly… do YOU have feelings for me?

I’m a caring person by nature… I care about you not because it’s you, but because it’s me. I try to keep our friendship alive, not because I cannot bear to loose you, but because I don’t want to loose a friend. I don’t believe in “Friends with benefits”, and intimacy without affection is not my kind of thing. I can’t pretend something I don’t feel. Why should I date emotionally unavailable, jerks who don’t value me in the least, or settle for anything less than ALL that my heart desires out of a relationship?

I believe in being happy in my own skin and not wasting time with men who don’t reciprocate. So until you can FIND your way into my precious zone, don’t try to be my lover… just be my friend!

I love the rain

Every time it pours I am tempted to go out and enjoy it… feel its smooth rhythmic prick on my flesh. What I enjoy most is going for a ride in the rain… like I did yesterday. It was so much fun, riding through the puddles, water splashing from all sides, the few braves on the road shouting at our mischief… kekekek. One taxi driver even tried to race us down…hehehe. My sis and I rode for hours in the heavy rain before we stopped for a break to watch the surfing handsome hunks at sea… now that was a breath taker *wink*. What a day… hehehe. Indeed… a day loaded with fun and excitement… I just love the rain.

Bye Bye Holiday Blues

I had been so freaked out by the thought of holiday boredom, but now that its here, its not so bad… In fact, it’s going to be great!! I have come to understand that nothing can be so bad when you know how to deal with it. It’s all in the mind and the ability to make things happen. You can twist and turn situations and circumstances to suit your moods and needs. Now, I have got the whole holiday period planned out… hehhe!

Yesterdays’ picnic, with my kids, their classmates and parents was indeed a blast. The exciting games and the island exploration was most fun. Being the only group on the island… we had the whole Kuda Bados to ourselves. This was the first time I took my kids out of town by myself (without a family member). To watch them have so much fun with their friends was a real treat and for the first time I realized just how well behaved my kids are… naughty and teasing, yet well mannered! What more could a single mom ask for? They’ve made me a proud mom indeed.

If all goes according to plan… which I know it will… I’m all hooked up for the next too weeks. So don’t be surprised if you don’t see me around for the next couple of days. Hope you won’t miss me too much… ;)

The Moon!

The Moon has been a symbol of beauty and romance for centuries. And why not? It is the Moon that illuminates the romantic hours of the night. What fascinates me most is to watch the rising of the 16th moon… the big orange ball rising up the horizon with its reflection mirrored on the ocean. Truly an emblem of nature’s perfection. Tonight it looks extraordinarily stunning… its white perfection shines in a dark empty sky, with a large circular ring around it and not a single star anywhere near. It looks lonely though… How many nights has it shone its dazzling beauty like this? How many people have enjoyed it? How many couples has it witnessed in their intimate moments? Yet it still shines in its lonely dark sky, with not a single star for company… because that’s how it’s meant to be… stunning and alone… like me!

A wildcat on the loose!!

After a long wasted two months, I’m feeling myself again… the hyper active adrenaline effect is taking on; planning out new challenges at work, teasing and irritating friends just for the fun of it, playing football with kids, hanging out with new friends, eating like a pig heheh… the urge for new excitement and wildness flows in me, wonder what could be causing this? Is it the holidays? routine workouts? or… a newly found friendship? Whatever the reason… it feels great … like a wildcat on the loose.

Goodbye

I started this journey six years ago, to make a perfect family with me, myself and my kids. Some people are meant to be alone, without a companion. I consider myself lucky because I’ve got my kids. You and I have come a long way since we met. With you I have found a side of me that I didn’t realize existed… experienced things beyond my imagination. Because of you I have come to understand myself better and thus become a better person. But this is as far as we go, it is time to say goodbye and walk our different paths. But before we part, I just want to say… “Thank you, for the wonderful time and experiences you gave me… I will always cherish the moments we shared together. Goodbye!”

It takes two…

It takes two to take a piece

It takes two to make a peace

It takes two to do a snap

It takes two to do a clap

It takes two to work a friendship

It takes two to work a relationship

It takes two to make a wife

It takes two to make a life

It takes two… And it goes on…

No wonder God makes it all in pairs

And its all too clear, why we should be a pair

I just wish..!!

“I wish to get away on my birthday!!!”

Heheh.. WISHES… fantasies!! Some things in life still remain a fantasy. Not that I’m not happy with what I’ve got. God has been really generous on me… loving family, wonderful kids, nice job, I’d say… “THANK YOU GOD!!” But even with all that, one can’t help wishing for something “extra” once in a while, something to liven your spirit eyy…? It happens to me every year when my birthday’s near. I always wish someone would take me away to an oasis where I could just be myself and enjoy the beauty of god’s creativity. Walking along the shore, smooth waves reaching out to my feet, stars smiling down and cool breeze blowing away my wig… (oops!! spoiled fantasy..kekek). Of course I could always get away by myself, but its not the same when you’re with someone else… someone to share the moments…, spoil the moments…, go wild… and… do whatever with … ;)

Aahh!! I just wish…!!

I wonder what it all means…!

I was on my way home from school, but I wasn’t wearing a uniform. A lady walked up to me with a dress, said she’s made it for me. I looked at her and thought to myself, “this has happened before”, the same lady has come to me with the same dress the previous day. I looked around me, it was the same location, the same mosque, and I remembered; a mountain was going to rise from behind the wall opposite the mosque… and there’s going to be disaster. I ran home to warn my family and get them to warn others. I ran back to the location, looked up and saw a huge moon on a blue sky. It has risen from the north, and with one swift movement went to set from the south. I was horrified…is this the end? I looked at the amused faces around me. They were all staring at the mountain that has risen from behind the wall; it was erupting ice-cream out of it, just as it was supposed to… and the children were playing ice balls with it. I started shouting, trying to warn everyone of what was to come, that the place was going to flood with high tide water. But no one took any notice; they were astounded by the ice-cream volcano. But where was he? I need to find him. I ran down a tunnel and up the stairs from where water has already started flowing in. I stumbled in to the water which was at knees high. I called out his name several times “Where are you?” Then, I heard his voice… calling out for me. I turned and saw his half bald head going down in to the water, his hand reaching out above it. He was drowning… in knees high water? My heart skipped a beat, horrified, and reached for his hand to pull him up. He grabbed my hand and lifted his head, looked me straight in the eyes and said “Serendipity” with an ironic smile, then gave up his grip and sank deep into the water. “No!”… I cried out..!!!

I lay frozen on the bed, arms reaching out, mouth in a gasp, and eyes wide open in horror. What was that all about? I don’t usually have nightmares or dreams, but when I do, they pretty much make sense… but this one’s pathetic… doesn’t make any sense at all. I wonder what it all means? ...!

Quit with the daydreams, girl !!

Keeping me busy is what I do best. Although I don’t over work myself, I always find something to keep me occupied. With two projects to run back to back, the academic yearend workload of all four work stations to conclude, kids and family to attend to… I still find me lost in myself these days. Something is definitely not right… but I can’t seem to put my finger on exactly what. Maybe if I gave it more thoughts as to what it is that is keeping my mind off routine, I might be able to attend to the matter and get me back on the track. Hmmm that’s exactly what I need to do!! Speaking of which… what am I blogging this for?? I should be working not blogging!!! That’s it girl, quit with the daydreams and get back to work, pronto!!

Very Mixed Salad

A mixed salad to compliment any meal

Salad
01 bud lettuce of your choice - hand shredded
01 stick celery - washed and cut in slices
01 yellow bell pepper – cut in stripes
01 red bell pepper – cut in stripes
Black pitted olives - halved
Green pitted olives - halved
01 block salad cheese – cut in cubes(optional)

Dressing
01 tsp vinegar
01 tsp virgin olive oil
01 tsp mustard sauce
Pinch of salt and white pepper

Whisk together all the ingredients of dressing till creamy. Place all salad ingredients in a bowl. Pour the dressing and toss together.

I like this salad because it colorfully decorates the dining table and is a great appetite booster anytime… enjoy!!

I don’t miss YOU… I miss our relationship!

All my life, I’ve always laughed at the thought of love. I remember the endless hours spent with my friends trying to reason them out of their lost love depressions. I always teased them and made fun of them. Why? I’d never known what it was like to love someone and to lose that love… till now!! They say love is blind… now I know why. They say people come into each others' lives for a reason… now I know why.

You came into my life to make me realize true love. To make me understand what its’ like to be in love and be loved in return. With you, I realized what its like to love someone you can never keep. We both fell for each other blindly, knowing there was a decade between us that can never be crossed over. Our journey was destined towards a dead end and we both knew we will have to take our own paths at some point.

I remember the day you told me you had found your soul mate… I was happy for you, but at the same time, I felt a sharp stab in my chest… a stab so painful I didn’t even feel the tears that drooped down my cheeks. That was the most horrific feeling I’d ever felt in my life… and that was when I realized just how much you meant to me, how much I loved you and how much I needed you. But I knew it was time to be strong and let you go… you deserved better. For weeks I struggled to fight the painful clutches of lost love depression.

Now, here I am… alone… walking along an open highway… many faces come and go, I hardly remember them. And if you ask me if I still love you… I’d say yes, I still love you and wish you well. If you ask me if I’d ever let myself fall for someone else… I’d say yes, if anyone can make me feel the way you did, give me the love, attention and care you gave, I will let myself fall again. But if you ask me if I still missed you… I’d say… NO! I don’t miss YOU... I miss our relationship!

Loneliness sucks… (at times)!!

OK I admit… being alone sucks (at times). And tonight I realized that by all means. I just had an upsetting confrontation with my family and needed to get away. So I got on my bike and took off…only to realize I had no where to go and no one to hang out with or even call for a get away chat. Not that I didn’t have friends… got a lot of them. But at times like this you wish for someone closer than a friend, someone to cuddle up with… someone to forget all else with...

Oh well!! I guess there’s only one way to rid off this miserable feeling… cuddle up and sleep on it with hard rock music!! So, I’m off to bed… good night guys. I’ll be fine by morning… works all the time (smile)
Cheers!

I am definitely voting for Maumoon!!

Everyday I get several phone calls and messages, telling me to vote for Anni… and to that I have to say; sorry friends… I cannot vote for someone who is in this election only for his ego and to take up a personal grudge against Maumoon, and not because he wants to work for the best interest of this country. This he has publicly announced several times during this campaign. His only interest is in eliminating Maumoon, not presiding the country for its betterment.

We need a change… YES!! We definitely do!! But what better changes can we possibly expect from someone who gets played all the time by everyone around him, including his opponent? For my president, I want someone who knows how to play the game and how to play it right… and right now that someone is Maumoon, so I’m definitely voting for Maumoon!

Politics… a dirty mans game!!

One thing I have come to understand is that politics is a dirty mans game. People I know in the political circle, I have seen them change from friends to foes, heard their scheming plans, witnessed their dirty games. No wonder I hate politics!!

Tomorrow we vote for the next presidential election. Personally I am not in favor of any of the candidates. One thing is for certain, whoever comes into term will definitely make a difference, and at a time like this; when we are at the brink of a new law and order, I believe a change with a known devil is better than an unknown devil… for now!! Others, well… there’s always the next term for your scheming plans!!

VERY BERRY CHEESE CAKE

We all like cheesecakes don’t we???

Here’s one I tried this Ramadan. Its absolutely deeelicious!!! Actually I wanted to try it with fresh berries, but then, fresh blue berries were not available so I found this wonderful marmalade (fresh berries crushed and conserved) at Sosun Store, which complimented the recipe perfectly.

CRUST:
2 cups flour
1/2 cup caster sugar
1/2 cup (sweet) butter, softened
1 egg

1 ST LAYER:
500 g cream cheese, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup caster sugar
3 eggs, room temperature

2 ND LAYER:
2 cup sour cream
4 tablespoons caster sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla

TOPPING:
2 cups blueberry marmalade
1 cup fresh strawberry (roughly chopped)

CRUST: Combine crust ingredients. Mix well; press onto bottom of 10" baking pan. Bake in preheated 400~ for 10-15 minutes. Reduce oven temperature to 350ºF.

1ST LAYER: Crumble cheese in large bowl. Add 1 tsp vanilla, 1 cup sugar and eggs; beat at high speed with electric mixer until blended and smooth, about 4 minutes. Pour over crust. Bake at 350ºF for 40 minutes until set (not completely firm). Remove from oven; cool 10 minutes.

2ND LAYER: Combine sour cream, sugar and vanilla. Spread over top of cheesecake. Bake at 350ºF for 5 minutes. Cool; spread berry topping over top. Refrigerate before serving.

TOPPING: Place blueberry marmalade in saucepan; cook lightly to make a thickened sauce, stir in chopped strawberries. Let cool; spread on cheesecake. Cool 1 hour then refrigerate.

Just wanted to share with you guys... cheers!!!

Déjà vu... Even without you!

Even without you…

Walking along the sidewalk, I see us holding hands

Shopping in the malls, I see us sharing likes and dislikes

Dining out, I feel your stare across the table

Partying with friends, I see us laughing and teasing

On the balcony, I see us sharing endless stories amusing each other

Working at my desk, I see you drawing tattoos on my arm

When tired, I feel you kiss my forehead, making me relax

In the shower, I feel your arms embrace me;

Your fingers exploring every inch of me

On the beach, I see us making love, under the stars

Walking in to my room I see a cold empty bed, yet I feel so content

For this déjà vu makes me feel sublime…

Even without you!

Leave me alone!!!

My life has been sabotaged by nonstop criticism of my relationship with myself. When my parents do it… I can understand. Family… I can handle, friends… I can get away with a chuckle. But what am I to do when all of ‘em come on to me at the same time?

It was my sons’ birthday party and all the family and friends were gathered. We were having a great time when all of a sudden the topic targeted towards me and my life as a single parent *hide face*. Now is that even a topic to discuss in public? I don’t think so!!!

What is so wrong with being single? I have had my share of courtship and affairs. Now, I’d rather spare my time and energy RAISING my men rather than be out FISHING for men. True, I do get lonely at times, I have my urges, my desires… but those are just feelings and they come and go, on and off, just like that… no big deal! There is no emotion that I can’t handle. I’m a big girl and I’m happy as I am. And if I wanted to get entangled again, I will… but for now, just leave me alone!!!

I will always be there…

I don’t hate you, I don’t blame you…
I know you too well, to be angry with you
I know you too well, to be upset by your words
Just because you go on your own way and act less emotional
Does not mean you do not care
I know you do…

I’ve heard your sobs, I’ve heard your cheers
I have seen the child in you, the real you…
The one you hide, from rest of the world
Though our time had been short, I understood you, inside out
Indeed I do...

I know your dreams, and they are big… too big; to tag along anyone (you think)
But I believe in your dreams, I believe in you…
Cos with your skills and inspirations, no dreams can be too big
And though I may not be there to share your masterpiece
My heart will always be there…
In your quest to make your dreams a reality
Take care!!

I enjoy my work… and every minute of it!!!

Today, I’m feeling content and at ease. The fruits of committed hard work and sleepless nights have finally paid off. Now I can relax and enjoy the pleasure of this awesome success. I am going to take my time in enjoying this moment of self attainment, before I start off with my next project. Yes! Another project awaits… and I am already excited about it. This time too, I’m going to give it my best… cos when it comes to work… I like to enjoy every minute of it… before, when and after..!!!

Why do guys back off just when you think things are getting serious?

Well, I may not be the relationship expert, but I do have a lot of friends; male and female, who like to share their inside stories on relationships with me, and I happen to learn a lot from them.

Now, this is a question a lot of my female friends ask me. So let me tell you something that I have come to learn from a lot of my male friends. The thing about guys is that... As much as most of them really DO want a relationship with a special woman, when the opportunity actually arises to create that relationship, THEY FREAK OUT and starts to back off.

So, in such a case, I recommend that you give him the time and space he needs to figure out his own feelings while use this time yourself to figure out what you truly want and need. But the truth that we need to understand is that we can't make someone decide that they can't live without us... We can only be ourselves and hope that the guy in our life is worthy and smart enough to realize that we're totally irresistible. ;)

And if he DOESN'T come to that conclusion on his own... Well, then, why waste another second of our precious time on a doofus who can't recognize how fabulous we are anyway?!? :D

Emotions

Too often we underestimate the motive of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring; to emotional bounds for commitment. True, all of these have the potentials to make one think in to fall… Me? I had no such intension!! You and I have come a long way… and I don’t deny that you are dear to me. But when it comes to Emotions… you have a long ride before you can touch me there…!!

In the darkness of my loneliness

Sitting here; in the lonely darkness of my room, thinking of you. I wonder if you are thinking of me too. Every now and then my thoughts keep drifting away to how it all started; from e-mail messages to chat rooms, from phone conversations to cozy couches. Time passed fast and we came close even faster. Yet after several months, the uncertainty of our relationship lingers in the air. Every time we meet, I can’t help to wonder how you feel about me, if I am of any importance to you at all. I try to tell myself that we are “just friends”, cos I know that’s how you want it to be. But then again, I never got this close to any of my friends. To me, you will always be more than a friend because what I feel for you is a lot different from what I feel for them.
But I know this feeling isn’t mutual on your part. I do understand why. I have no expectations from you and I know this isn’t to last. Sooner or later you’ll find someone else, fall in love … and walk away, and I’ll be left behind, alone in the darkness of my loneliness…AGAIN.
It’s like the curse is never to end. Am I never to find true love? Isn’t anyone out there for me, to make me feel special and precious?

Talk about disastrous timing!!

My new project, the Computer Camp for primary students, is about to start in a week. My colleague responsible for preparing the activities and the lessons is sick. I have just one week to prepare all the lessons and train the extra staff for the program. The joy of my family; my brothers’ son is admitted at the hospital with dengue fever. I can’t seem to find enough time for him while his painful cry for my presence is heart breaking. The project is growing bigger by the day. So much to do in so little time, all arrangements of the project pending due to my absence… and to make things worse, my phone has been stolen (something that’s never happened to me..!!), and I have no record or memory of any of my contacts…talk about disastrous timing!!!

I’m not allergic, I’m just not ready

3 years ago my friends started pointing out my allergy. My rejection to Dates and over working attitude made everyone concerned and I was labelled as “Allergic to men”. I started hearing comments like, “Girl, don’t do that to your self, start dating”, “it’s about time you gave someone a chance”.

So what if I hadn’t been in a relationship, in over 6 years? Work 24 hours round the clock? I have a family to support, for god sake. I don’t Date because I don’t have time for it and certainly not for any serious relationships. But, that doesn’t mean I’m allergic to men. That’s right; I’m not allergic to men.

Ok so I’ve had a bad experience, and because of that I had buried my emotions deep down where no one can touch. But that doesn’t mean I have no emotional feelings. I’m just waiting for the right moment and the right person to dig it up :) . I am normal just like every one of you and I too have dreams just like every other girl, to have a perfect family, loving husband, beautiful home and a good business, (well I do have my ambitions, don’t see why I cant include them in my dreams).

Anyways, bottom-line… I’m not allergic to men, and I do want a relationship, but I’m just not ready to settle down yet. So you guys can rest in peace, and let me do this my way and in my time. But I do appreciate your concern...thanks!