its time I changed my sheets...!!!

Its been a while since I've had the hearts for a change... familiarity has been most important. But ofcourse unless you try out new things, you miss out on the experiences. Yeah... maybe it is time for me to try out new things, make new friends, explore new environments. I shall start from whats most closest to me... its time to say good bye to the old sheets and start enjoying the new ones...!!!

ME again...!!!

2010 and a month gone by... So far so good and the future seems promising. A well timed routine, with just enough time for Kids and Studies... and work. Aah WORK...!!! I'm just hoping these few months to pass away fast so I can start off my job permanent. I've missed it so much. hehheh ... I know, its silly to miss work, but that's me. It feels good to be ME again...!!!

Another Academic Term ends…!!!

The final presentations of the final semester students are finally over. I must say I am impressed and also inspired by most of my friends… they have all done a commendable job on their final project. I wish them all a very successful career in the field of technology and hope to see at least some of them achieve their Masters Degree in the near future.

I’ll be doing my final project next year (next sem) hopefully and I hope I’ll be able to do a competent job myself. So good luck to me and everyone else that’ll be joining me next semester…!!!

Time has changed… and so have I…!!!

Dwelling on false hope is the last thing I want to do right now. Love and affection are only words of fiction. In the real world its just lust and desire… A single mother in her thirties spells nothing more than bait; the only motive in a man’s every approach is to fulfill a selfish desire. But then again… one shouldn’t label them all as same. There may be exceptions…!! Nonetheless I have come to accept the inevitable, there is no such thing as “Mr. right” or “Prince Charming”… but I do not wish to dwell in agony of not finding love. After all life has got much to offer and I have much to offer to this world. The table has turned, things have changed, time has changed… and so have I…!!!

A time to keep up with pace..!!!

Nearing the end of another semester, all the assignments and studies are piling up. This October seems hectic; an assignment is due like every other day. This semester has been different from others, with subjects that require a wide range of knowledge and practical intervention, also a considerable amount of research too. I have also made some very good friends whose knowledge on the subjects is unquestionable and practical. In the days ahead I’m going to have to spend as much time on studies as possible, and that would mean some very sleepless nights too. Never the less I’m up for the challenge and I know I’ll make it through, as always. It is time to get organized, and become more active…a time to keep up with pace..!!!

Who am I to you…???

Down by the beach, sitting on a rock… I wonder why I’m here. Small waves teasing the shore, sweet breeze swaying my hair… I wish you were here. It’s been 15 months and 8 days… a long wait indeed. Yet the same questions still turns in my head, unanswered. Here I wait for you… still for an answer. The past many months, I’ve missed being held, missed romance, missed being loved. But these few months I’ve only missed you… just you!! They say we love from our mind and soul… then why does it hurt, where there is the heart. I wish you were here now, to free me from this pain… just answer me one question… Who am I to you???

The heart sees what’s invisible to the eye…!!!

It’s nothing like how I expected, nor had I ever wanted to feel this way. After all the arrogant ignorance and confrontations I’m still not able to let go. Every time I tried, my heart would reason out with me with so many excuses for him. Why? He is nothing close to my portrait of desires and he has nothing worldly to offer me or me to him. Yet my heart seeks refuge in his affection. Why so…? Question is… should I let my heart rule over my mind and make myself vulnerable to emotions? For the heart sees what’s invisible to the eye…!!!

Insha-Allah… I will find myself there someday!!!

I am going through a difficult time these days. An unexpected and frightful condition… I can’t explain it… I can’t describe it. If it is what I think it is… I know I have to be brave and accept it as a bitter fact and deal with the side effects with an open mind. Problem is… it would mean to kiss goodbye to some of my dreams… ones I had so much hoped for. And as scared as I am, I know it’s a phase every woman has to go through at a certain point in her life. For me… seems like it’s a bit early. But I am a believer and I do have a lot of faith. I have always believed that God has a beautiful life in store for me. Insha-Allah… I will find myself there someday!!!

And so the journey continues…!!!

Same old questions, same comments and critics… only a matter of opinion for which I don’t really care. I know I’m right and so thinks everyone who know me… my family and friends. I have no regrets whatsoever; no will I ever turn back, for the decision was my own. I am indeed thankful to God for giving me the strength to walk this road… and with nothing more than the two most precious possessions in my life… my kids! The road however had not been easy, but thanks to my very supportive family, I was able to confront the challenges and win my way through… I am indeed grateful.
Now, after seven long years of endless obstacles, battles and sacrifices… I am finally content with my life.
But the journey does not end here, no it doesn’t. There are still many mountains to climb, hearts to concur… for I certainly don’t want to grow old alone. I also wish for more siblings… perhaps a sister for my boys (now there’s a thought *smile*).
And so the journey continues… with a strong heart, an open mind and a smiling face…!!!

Valentine…!!!

A dozen roses, chocolates and cakes with candles and heart-shaped balloons… everywhere you go you feel that love is in the air. A day to revive the bond with the one you love… a time to show your affection and appreciation for that most precious person in your life…

I like to spend Valentine with the one companion I feel most comfortable with…”ME”. It’s principle not to share Valentine with anyone you don’t feel the “true sparks” with!!! No offence dear but you and I both know our sparks are limited ;)…!!!

I’ll miss you every step on the way…!!!

Restraining me from deep emotions is an art I had developed with experience and pride. With you, putting my guards down was easy, for I was certain I could never fall for you and with several reasons too and there’s several more why you could never fall for me. But I guess nature has its own way of turning the tables and flipping the cards with all the wrong signals for us to play the victim idol. Alas… I have fallen, knowing all too well that it’s just me and my feelings alone; you have no part in it. I’m sorry for spoiling our friendship, I had no intension. So it’s best, my friend, that I walked away before my emotions grew any stronger. I know… I’ll miss you every step on the way…!!! Take care!!

Am I ready to give up my singleton?

I have always enjoyed hanging out with friends… teasing and cracking jokes over coffee tables all through the nights is the best part of being single. Then why this uneasiness tonight… sort of a guilty feeling. Why this urge… like I want to call someone and say, “honey, I’m out with some friends… call you when I get home… love ya!!” Am I missing something? I know for sure I’m not in love. The feel has been bothering me a couple of days now. Whenever I’m happy, sad or down… I get this feeling, to share it with someone… someone to bond with. Am I missing a relationship? Do I really want to start over? I’m I ready to give up my singleton? So many questions, only I can answer. I need to consult my inner self…soon… before this feeling eats on me!!

Let me enjoy my singleton!!

To be alone was my choice… So why does everyone want me to find a companion? How many times do I have to tell you people, “I am not lonely… and I do DATE!!!”? I don’t see any reason why I should make my dating public. I don’t bring my Dates home b’cos I can’t have my parents dreaming wedding bells on false alarm or be showered with questions from all four corners… (Please!!! Spare me!!)

So why am I still single?
Obviously because I haven’t met anyone worthy of boyfriend material!!

Am I the only single mom in the world? If I am to find a companion, why should I settle for anything less, when I know I deserve the best? I like to believe that my Prince Charming is out there somewhere, and he will find me someday! Until then… let me enjoy my singleton!!

Commitment

I’m happy with my life as it is, b’cos I truly believe that a strong sense of self-esteem is the key to lifelong happiness and fulfillment. The most important commitment one can make to ones life is to love, honor and cherish ones’ self. Said all that… even though I enjoy having my own fabulously carefree life, I do want to share it with someone special.
To me, a commitment doesn’t necessarily have to be a legal paperwork, in other words “marriage”. It could be a mutual agreement between two people to date each other exclusively, OR simply living together to fulfill mutual desires with respect and loyalty to each other.
The need to legalize a relationship is necessary only when the hormones are in tune to form a whole new entity and that is when we say we are ready to start a family. Until then, as long as there is love, honesty and harmony in a relationship… it’s good enough a commitment.

Don’t try to be my lover… just be my friend!!

Do not judge me on false impulse. How well do you think you know me? Have I ever shared the account of my past with you? Have I ever told you anything about me that I wouldn’t tell any of my other friends? Have I ever poured my sobs on you? What makes you think I have feelings for you? More importantly… do YOU have feelings for me?

I’m a caring person by nature… I care about you not because it’s you, but because it’s me. I try to keep our friendship alive, not because I cannot bear to loose you, but because I don’t want to loose a friend. I don’t believe in “Friends with benefits”, and intimacy without affection is not my kind of thing. I can’t pretend something I don’t feel. Why should I date emotionally unavailable, jerks who don’t value me in the least, or settle for anything less than ALL that my heart desires out of a relationship?

I believe in being happy in my own skin and not wasting time with men who don’t reciprocate. So until you can FIND your way into my precious zone, don’t try to be my lover… just be my friend!

A wildcat on the loose!!

After a long wasted two months, I’m feeling myself again… the hyper active adrenaline effect is taking on; planning out new challenges at work, teasing and irritating friends just for the fun of it, playing football with kids, hanging out with new friends, eating like a pig heheh… the urge for new excitement and wildness flows in me, wonder what could be causing this? Is it the holidays? routine workouts? or… a newly found friendship? Whatever the reason… it feels great … like a wildcat on the loose.